The Epic Quest for a First Date
by uchiha.s
Summary: Sasuke didn't realize asking Naruto for help would be a bad idea until it was too late. Now, the entire village seems to be in some way involved in 'helping' Sasuke ask Sakura out. [Threeshot] [SasuSaku] Chapter three up!
1. Chapter 1

The Epic Quest for a First Date

By Sakura Uchiha

Summary: Sasuke didn't realize asking Naruto for help would be a bad idea until it was too late. Now, the entire village seems to be in some way involved in 'helping.'

A/N: Heheh... yes, I know, I already have two other multichaptered fics going, but this is short! This will prob end up being about 3 chapters, maybe even four, but I doubt it. PLEASE REVIEW!!

Chapter One: So It Begins

"So, bastard... how is..." Naruto glanced around surreptitiously before lowering his voice and leaning across the booth conspiratorially, "mission: Blossom Date' going?"

Sasuke scowled and kicked Naruto's leg under the table. As soon as he had told the fox boy his dilemma three weeks ago, he had regretted it. To be honest, he didn't understand why he had the brainy idea to tell him in the first place.

Since then, Naruto had been everything except for helpful. His idea of "help" had included conspicuous pointing and whispering that most of the deaf people in Konoha probably heard, along with a healthy dosage of teasing that was beginning to be too much for the ex-avenger.

The two young men sat in Ichiraku, as they usually did after training sessions. Ever since Sasuke's return three years ago, they had fallen back into their strange friendship that consisted of Sasuke glaring and wanting to hit Naruto on the head, and Naruto laughing evilly and gleefully while running away in a cloud of dust before the Uchiha could pound him into a bloody fox pulp.

"I told you. No progress." Sasuke muttered, looking down. Naruto sighed, and shook his head.

"Sasuke, Sasuke... how are you ever going to go on a date with the fair Haruno Sakura and make her Uchiha Sakura if you don't _ask_?!" He waved his arms around to emphasize, managing to attract stares.

Sasuke sunk in his seat. The problem was... he'd assumed Sakura would ask him eventually like she always had before. Annoyingly enough, she continued to hug him every time she saw him, and always made sure he was eating healthy... but she didn't ask him out like she used to. This was Sasuke's problem.

He shrugged, trying to look indifferent. "She's too weak anyway- OW! What was that for, you clumsy moron!?" Sasuke yelled, wiping the ramen and broth off of his face. Naruto grinned, satisfied.

"Don't you dare start up on one of those strength lectures of yours. Sakura is a jounin now, soon to be ANBU. You know that. You're just making excuses! Kiss the girl! Ask her out! Buy her flowers! It's not that hard, bastard! Live large! You only live once! Carpe diem-"

"That's enough, dobe." Sasuke snapped. He crossed his arms and scowled at everyone that dare look at the two ninja.

Naruto's mouth broke into a grin that widened until he was grinning from ear to ear. Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I don't like that look on your face, dobe..."

Naruto rubbed his hands together. "Shut up, bastard. I have a plan."

--

Sakura's house was a small, tidy cottage in between two large houses. It had a garden in the front, with a bush on either side of the front door. Naruto stood at the front door while Sasuke waited in a bush. Naruto had a 'disguise' on, which consisted of an overcoat, sunglasses, a fake handlebar mustache, and a green wig. He looked like a cross between Shino and a circus ringleader. He held a clipboard and pen in his hand. He rapped on the door. Sakura poked her head out. She was holding a bowl of rice and appeared to have been in the middle of eating.

"Um... can I help you?" She asked, her normally chipper voice laced with suspicion. She raised a pink eyebrow and frowned, surveying the ridiculous spectacle before her. Naruto coughed.

"-ahem- I'm taking a poll. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?" His voice was muffled by the mustache and difficult to understand. Sakura shrugged, and Naruto nodded.

"Excellent! Okay. Who do you think is the best looking guy in Konoha?"

Sakura tapped a finger to her mouth, quirking her head and looking up in thought. Sasuke recognized this expression; she looked like this when she was reading medical textbooks.

"I guess... well, the obvious answer is Sasuke." Sakura chuckled. "But you know, Neji is pretty cute too!" She blushed and the bush rustled a bit. Naruto coughed loudly to mask the sound. He pretended to write Sakura's answer down.

"Okay! Of those two, who would you get married to and have children with, and who would you have wild sex with?"

The unassuming bush hissed something that sounded like, "I did NOT agree to that one!" Naruto kicked the bush and Sakura's jade eyes widened in confusion.

"Er... well, that's a bit of a personal question. I guess, since I know Sasuke better, I'd rather marry him." She answered thoughtfully, after a few minutes. Naruto beamed, and inside the bush Sasuke fell silent. Well, that didn't _technically_ mean she liked him.

"Okay! Final question: if you could go out on a date with any ninja in Konoha, who would you choose to go out with?"

Sakura thought for a moment. "I guess Naruto, since he's so unfailingly sweet to me. I know I'd have fun with him!" She smiled. Naruto choked, but, to keep up appearances, scribbled something down on the clipboard.

"Well, that's it. Thank you for your time, young lady!" Naruto waved. Sakura waved back and went back inside.

--

"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, DOBE!"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! DON'T KILL ME!! GAHHH!"

The two shinobi were merely a blur of orange, then of black, as Sasuke chased Naruto all over Konoha, attracting many a confused stare. Finally, in a clearing, Sasuke caught up with the kyuubi-bearer, gripping him by the collar and holding him up, staring down into his eyes with the sharingan. Naruto struggled in his grip.

"Sasuke bastard! Gah! Get off! I have no control over-" He stopped when Sasuke let him go and turned shortly on his heel, storming a few feet away. With his back to Naruto, he stomped on the ground.

"Why doesn't she like me anymore?!" He yelled to the sky. Naruto sighed, his cerulean eyes softening.

"Well, y'know, you kinda ignored her completely, then you ran off and killed people for a few years. It may have diminished your appeal a bit?" Naruto winced, waiting for Sasuke to turn around and rip him to orange-colored shreds. He relaxed when he realized that Sasuke remained with his back turned. Naruto tiptoed over to his best friend and reached up to place a hand on the taller man's shoulder. Sasuke looked up and Naruto covered his face with his hands. He knew that look. That was the "I'm Sasuke and I refuse to not get what I want" look. He sighed for the second time. "...Alright. I'm sure you already have the perfect plan formulated. What do I have to do?"

--

Tsunade's pretty eyes crinkled in amusement as she laughed softly at the two men before her. Naruto rubbed his head and his stomach rumbled while Sasuke scowled, looking sour as usual.

"I was wondering when you'd finally stop living in denial." Tsunade giggled and patted Sasuke lightly on the head, much to his dismay. "Of course I'll help. Anything to make you guys _finally_ get together." She rolled her eyes and waved for the boys to follow. She led them down the hall to her office, where Sakura had her cubicle.

"Tomorrow, I'll make sure she has nothing to do. Shizune will come in, acting bored." Tsunade went into strategic mode. "She'll ask Sakura if she can do her hair and makeup. She will not take no for an answer. At exactly five thirty every day, Sakura leaves. But, by five twenty seven, she is already preparing to leave. I'll ask her to drop off something at the restaurant where you will meet her. Does that work?" Tsunade raised her eyebrows. Sasuke went over the plan in his head, and nodded.

"It's perfect."

"Yes. This way, she'll already be ready for a date because Shizune will have done her hair and makeup. And when she sees you, that's when you carry out your part of the plan."

The hokage and Uchiha shook hands. "Good luck, shinobi. This may be your most difficult mission yet. And now... I need a drink!"

The two young men watched in horror and confusion as Tsunade ran off idiotically in search of sake. Naruto punched the air.

"YES! I will totally be a better hokage than that old hag!" He smirked. Sasuke sweatdropped.

"I'm going home. I have planning to do." He said darkly. He disappeared in a poof of smoke, and Naruto scratched his head, frowning.

"Hey... wait a tic... wasn't that Kakashi's trick?"

--


	2. Chapter 2

Ah crap. Really should be working on other things, but I like this plot too much Haha, this chapter was so much fun to write! Well, hope you guys enjoy! Only one more chapter after this! --cries-- and it was going so swimmingly!

Chapter Two

Poor unsuspecting Shikamaru was on his way to work that morning to help sort through recent mission reports. Ino had packed him his lunch, which he carried in a paper bag that she'd written his name on in her bubbly, girly handwriting. The morning was going so well, Shikamaru was almost tempted to whistle.

Almost. But not quite.

Just as he was about three quarters of the way to the Hokage's office, a blur of orange came towards him faster than Ino when she saw a sale sign. Shikamaru blinked in awe, until the orange blur smacked into him.

"SHIKAMARU! SHIKAMARU! OH MY GOD! YES! I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU!" Naruto shrieked, throttling Shikamaru in his happiness. Shikamaru wrestled out of the fox boy's grip and gasped, rubbing his throat. His coal eyes narrowed at Naruto.

"...Something tells me this is going to be troublesome." He sighed at the beseeching look on Naruto's face. Naruto grinned and bounced in a circle around the jounin.

"Yay! Okay, so, you know how The Bastard is really stubborn?" Naruto asked. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"The bastard? Who is this?"

"Sasuke!"

"Oh. I guess, then." Shikamaru shrugged half-heartedly. He didn't know Sasuke beyond the avenging and disturbing death glare, and wasn't interested in knowing more. Naruto bounced around some more.

"And, you know how Sakura isn't like, all over the bastard anymore?"

Shikamaru nodded. He had noticed this, mainly because he had also found that Sakura was now not troublesome to be around. In fact, he was fast becoming good friends with the pink-haired medic because of their similar levels of intelligence. Naruto beamed. "Well, the bastard likes her now!!! HAAHAHAHA!! HAHA--choke-hehe!"

Shikamaru stared witheringly at Naruto who was choking on his own spit. "Um... so?"

"So he's trying to ask her out! And I think we need your help because you're like, smart, and stuff."

Shikamaru sighed, scratching his head. He disliked Sasuke, but Sakura was his friend. And, probably, if he didn't help, Naruto would be a pain in the ass about it. As usual, it looked like he would be taking the path of least resistance.

"...Does Sakura even like Sasuke anymore?"

"Well...it's hard to tell exactly. But I know she really, really cares about him. A lot. And would marry him if given the choice between him and Neji." Naruto shrugged. Shikamaru snorted. He'd marry Sasuke too if given the choice between Sasuke and Neji, but that didn't mean he'd touch the ex-avenger with a ten foot pole. He sighed again.

"What do I have to do?" He asked grudgingly. Naruto jumped up and down, clapping.

"This is going to be awesome! And then finally the bastard and Sakura-chan will be together like they are destined to be!!"

"Did someone say something about destiny?"

Naruto froze. Shikamaru looked over his shoulder to see Neji walking towards them. Great, he thought. 'I get to deal with both of the bitchy prodigies today.'

Naruto grinned when he saw who it was. "Neji! You can help us too!"

Neji folded his arms. "If it has to do with destiny, there's no changing it. Everyone is born onto a certain track-"

"Yeah yeah, whatever. We're trying to push two people together! Towards destiny!" Naruto puts his hands on his hips, with a gleam in his eye as he looked towards the horizon. Neji and Shikamaru

sweatdropped.

"And who would these people be?"

"Sasuke-bastard and Sakura-chan of course!"

Neji nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose that would be a case of destiny."

"Yes! So you'll help?" He batted his eyelashes at Neji who glared.

"Fine. But only because it's destiny anyway."

"YES! ALRIGHT! WOO HOO!" Naruto danced around wildly, waving his arms and singing. Neji stormed off, muttering something. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and grabbed Naruto.

"Don't hurt yourself, blondie."

--

The six man cell that now consisted of Sasuke, Naruto, Tsunade, Shizune, Shikamaru, and Neji gathered under a tree in a training area outside of the hokage tower. They were mostly in shade, making them appear even more mysterious.

"So, I'll ask again. _Why_ are Shikamaru and Neji necessary? I had a plan-" Sasuke was cut off by Naruto, who looked much too serious to be plotting a way to get Sakura with Sasuke.

"Here's the new plan-"

"Hey guys!"

The team of six froze and turned slowly to see Ino bouncing towards them, her ponytail bobbing with each movement. She was carrying an apple. Shikamaru grumbled and turned to meet his new wife.

"I'm in a meeting!" He hissed. Ino rolled her eyes and then waved flirtatiously at Sasuke. She turned back to Shikamaru.

"Nothing is more important than getting proper nutrition, you big idiot!" She kissed him on the forehead, a courageous move considering the expression on Shikamaru's face. "So, whatcha guys up to?" She squealed. Naruto grinned.

"We're just getting Sasuke and Sakura- OOF!" Naruto bent over and Sasuke retracted his fist. He turned to look at Ino.

"We're planning an important expedition to Sand. Go away." He said darkly. Ino rolled her pretty blue eyes.

"Don't lie to me, Sasuke-kun! I already heard Naruto say something about you," she poked his chest with her finger, "and forehead girl!"

Shikamaru crossed his arms and shook his head. He knew his wife too well; she was in on the mission whether Sasuke liked it or not. Ino never could resist things like this. Naruto stood up again, apparently recovered from the punch.

"Wanna help, Ino? Sasuke-bastard likes Sakura now and wants to ask her out!"

Ino pondered for a moment. "I'd love to help!" She said with a devilish gleam in her blue eyes. Sasuke sighed, taking comfort only in the fact that she was already married to Shikamaru, so this couldn't be a way for her to get closer to him.

"Alright! Now we have seven people! This is great!" Naruto cheered. Sasuke glared.

"No it isn't!" He hissed. "I don't even know why I told you, dobe!"

Shikamaru smirked. "Unfortunately, you can't always do everything by yourself, Uchiha."

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah bastard, Shikamaru is right! We're gonna help you! Right guys!?"

Instead of the enthusiastic "YEAH" screamed in unison that Naruto was hoping for, there was a nod from Ino and quiet mumblings of consent from everyone else. Naruto sweatdropped, but clapped a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"It's gonna be great, bastard. Soon you and the exquisite Haruno Sakura will be getting married! Now all we have to do is re-adjust the plan to fit in Ino. WOO HOO!"

--

"I still don't see why we had to abandon Tsunade's plan." Sasuke sniffed, waiting with Naruto in a tree whose limbs hung over the path which Sakura always took to work. The new plan had something to do with Naruto and Sasuke waiting in the tree and somehow alerting Neji to Sakura's approach. Neji would then pop out of the woods, pretending to be in the midst of an intense training session with Sasuke. Neji would appear to be covered in blood (much to Tsunade's chagrin) and would say that Sasuke was unbeatable and that he was dying. Sakura would, being the nice medic-nin she was, heal him, then Shikamaru would walk by pretending to be on his way to work. He would see the two and he and Neji would get into a conversation about how great/strong/cool Sasuke was, and then Sakura's passion for Sasuke would be rekindled, right then and there. Then Sakura would continue onto work and the plan with Tsunade and Shizune would commence.

"We're not abandoning it, just... elaborating on it!" Naruto whispered loudly. His trademark orange clothing was showing through the leaves and Sasuke was positive that Sakura would spot them right away. She was an excellent ninja now, after all.

"This plan is too complicated. Something's going to go horribly wrong and then I'll look like an idiot, dobe!" Sasuke hissed, narrowing his eyes at the fox boy. Naruto grinned easily.

"Don't worry, bastard, everything will be fine!" He leaned back onto the branch that overlooked the path, resting his head on his outstretched arms and crossing his legs. Sasuke covered his eyes. He couldn't watch; Naruto was balanced so precariously on the branch that he was sure to topple over at any second.

"You idiot, you are going to fall and ruin everything." Sasuke muttered, burying his face in a particularly leafy spot. Naruto chuckled.

"You're way too hung up on—SHIT!!"

A loud smack was heard, followed by a string of curses and a confused sounding, "Morning... Naruto?" in a cheery voice that could only be that of Haruno Sakura.

"SAKURA-CHAN! Hi! I was just... dropping by! Hahahaha!!" Naruto laughed anxiously, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing up at the tree out of the corner of his eye. Sakura smiled, still looking confused, and followed his gaze. Sasuke gasped and ducked but it was too late.

"Sasuke-kun! You're looking well today! Were you two training?" Sakura smiled again, prettily, and Sasuke was taken aback.

"Huh?! NO! No, we weren't training at all! In fact, Neji and Sasuke are training and I was just... getting in Sasuke's way! Yeah! That's what I was doing." Naruto laughed some more and Sasuke sighed, jumping down from the tree. The plan was already dead, anyway. Sakura was still smiling brightly at Sasuke.

"Why don't you guys take a break from training and walk with me to work?"

"NO!" Naruto cried. Sakura raised her eyebrows in suspicion. "Ehh... No, because... because... SASUKE NEEDS TO GET STRONGER! So he can avenge... umm..." Naruto scratched his head, blushing hotly as Sakura looked at him witheringly and Sasuke's eye twitched. "He needs to avenge... um... YOU!" He pointed a finger at Sakura dramatically. "Because...! Well...-"

"Just quit, dobe." Sasuke muttered. Naruto shot him a scowl and Sakura laughed, shaking her head. Her pink hair was caught in the breeze a bit and floated around before falling back around her face. An image of her hair, sweaty and mussed and against a pillow flashed through his mind and Sasuke deduced that it was definitely time to end this little meeting before his current condition worsened.

"I'm going back to training. You can walk her." He said nastily to Naruto. Then, all of a sudden he was gone, disappeared into the trees. Naruto sighed. At this rate, Sakura was never going to go out with Sasuke. Naruto glanced anxiously at Sakura, who was gazing off into the distance, her pretty green eyes misted over.

"So! Time to go to work, eh Sakura-chan?" Naruto grinned. They linked arms and Naruto began singing, hoping to let Neji know ahead of time that they were coming and the plan had changed a bit. But then something occurred to Naruto. What if, after Sasuke's strange behavior just then, seeing Neji beaten and bloody only made Sakura think less of the last Uchiha? What if she thought him... monstrous?

Naruto gripped Sakura and steered her to the left sharply.

"Huh? What's going on?"

"We're just taking the scenic route!" Naruto practically sang. He had absolutely no clue as to where they were going, but it definitely wasn't going to be anywhere near-

The pair froze to see Lee and Gai training. Well, if they weren't good enough distraction, then nothing was. He grinned evilly. This was actually quite perfect! He could leave Sakura with the two human christmas trees, and dash over to Neji and alert him as well as everyone else to the change in plans. It was perfect! He had never been so happy to see the bowl-cut pair.

"Sakura! You are like a tropical bird, so colorful and full of life! My love for you blossoms like your namesake, in abundance!" Lee proclaimed. Sakura rolled her eyes and turned to ask Naruto for help, but the walking orange-clad disaster was gone.

--

"WHAT!?" Ino shrieked. The other team members clapped their hands over their ears as Ino's rage emanated from her body. Shikamaru however just stood there, examining his nails. This was just normal conversation for him and his wife. Naruto winced.

"I messed up, I know, but-"

"YOU LEFT HER WITH THAT FASHION DISASTER?!" She bellowed, her pretty face the picture of 'horrified.' She sat down slowly, looking pale and shaky. "Oh god. What if... what if... it's _contagious!?_" She whispered darkly. Everyone except for Shikamaru leaned in closer curiously.

"What's contagious?" Tsunade whispered. Shikamaru snorted and rolled his eyes.

"His fashion sense, you dumbass." He scoffed. He knew his wife much too well. Tsunade fell over and Neji gave her a withering glare.

"The point is... we need a new plan." Shizune said. Everyone nodded in agreement. Sasuke looked absolutely livid.

"Why can't we just use my old-"

"Shut it, bastard." Naruto said absently. "Go on, Shizune."

She grinned. "Okay, so-"

"HAVE NO FEAR, GAI IS HERE!!!"

"AND ROCK LEE!"

The two green ninja bounced in, with Sakura trotting after them, looking decidedly scarred by having been seen in their company. Everyone gasped at the sight of Sakura, except for Sasuke. He turned shortly on his heel and left, without anyone even noticing.

--

"Effing ridiculous." Sasuke muttered to himself, punching a large hole in a tree. Everything within a four hundred meter radius had been basically obliterated and now Sasuke stood panting, looking for his next inanimate victim.

"Bad day already? Hm, and it's not even lunch."

Sasuke twitched. Without having to even turn around, he knew his old sensei would be standing there, reading one of his hentai books. He exhaled, blowing his bangs up a bit, and turned around slowly. His suspicions were confirmed.

"Go away old man."

"And leave you to suffer and wallow in your own misery and self-pity alone? Never!" Kakashi said cheerily. Sasuke grimaced.

"If this is an attempt to cheer me up-"

"Oh, no, don't worry, I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. Not when it's so amusing to watch you suffer!" He chuckled and Sasuke scoffed, turning around again to deep-fry a small bush.

"So, what's wrong now? Someone kill your pet bird or something and you need to avenge it?"

"Hn. That's funny." Sasuke said sarcastically, hurling kunai at a log.

"Or is it a certain pink-haired kunoichi that we all know and love?"

The kunai seemed to graze a small animal hiding inside the log. A squeak came and something small, concealed by the tall grass, hoofed it at the speed of light away from the log. Kakashi smirked. Well, that was easy. Sasuke was so predictable. His moods (yes, he had more than just "mildly pissed off" and SUPER DUPER PISSED OFF) were easily read by the silver-haired jounin, especially after months of observing the young man wrestle with feelings he hadn't known he was capable of.

"She looks good in that new dress, no?" Kakashi dodged a herd of flaming kunai directed at him with ease.

"She's your _student_." He snarled.

"Mmm, and she's the legal age of consent now. I should ASK HER OUT! It'd be so simple! I'd just go up to her and say, 'Sakura, will you date me? And possibly come home afterwards for some nice hot-"

Sasuke grabbed his former sensei, trying to decide how he would kill the man.

"-ramen!"

Sasuke glared and dropped him disgustedly. Kakashi continued, unabashed by Sasuke's behavior. "I wouldn't even need to ask for anyone's help, especially not Naruto's. And a really bad idea would be to let that Yamanaka girl get wind of it, you know how she is-"

"Alright, I get it!" Sasuke yelled. Kakashi smirked, satisfied. Then Sasuke looked down, obviously embarrassed.

"So it's not that hard, right?" Kakashi asked gently. Sasuke found he was oddly comforted by the older man's adoption of a gentle tone; he realized with a pang that Kakashi was acting similar to a father figure for him. Sasuke sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"It's just so out of hand now. It would have been so easy way back, but now..." He looked away, glaring at nothing in particular. "...I feel... weak."

Kakashi smiled sadly. He knew exactly how Sasuke felt. It was so much easier to go on missions, and to do daring things and go up against S-class criminals... so much easier than just asking out a girl.

"Think of the people you've faced, Sasuke. And then think of Sakura. Someone who, no matter what, loves you."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "No, she doesn't. That's the whole problem-"

"Oh, stop being such a pigheaded moron. She loves you, more than anyone else ever will, and if you ruin this then you're even more of a pigheaded moron." Kakashi stopped and looked up, as if trying to remember something. "Ah, dammit. I promised Iruka lunch. Gotta run!" And in a poof of smoke, the copy ninja was gone. Sasuke glared at the spot he'd stood. Damn Kakashi. He was either extremely cryptic, or painfully honest. Right now, Sasuke thought, he would have much preferred the cryptic Kakashi than the honest one.

But what he'd said hadn't been wasted. _She loves you, more than anyone else ever will._

--


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Ugh, attack of the insomnia. My sleeping habits are so weird now; I'm turning into a bat.

Anyhoo, may the chaos ensue!

--

"...Naruto, I've known you for many years. And in those many years, you've had a lot of troublesome ideas. But this..." Shikamaru swept a hand across the diagram, "...takes the cake."

Tenten, Kiba, Shino, Chouji, and Hinata, who were the newest additions to THE PLAN, all studied the diagram with dubious expressions. Once Tenten found out Neji was in on the plan, she had joined, and likewise for Chouji and Shikamaru. When Naruto had mentioned the plan to Hinata, she had stammered out something about joining, and of course that meant that Kiba and Shino had to join too.

The original team was also there, but Sasuke was gone. He'd left to sulk awhile ago and hadn't returned, so thankfully he hadn't yet gotten wind of Naruto's plot. Hinata silently worshiped the gods of stupid ideas for letting Sasuke remain in the dark about the plan. If he knew, Hinata was positive her beloved fox ninja would be 6 feet under by now.

Tsunade appraised the diagram with drawn features, strongly reminded of something she had illustrated whilst more drunk than usual. Lines wandered all over the page with no apparent intention of making any sense and Naruto's representations of Sasuke and Sakura left more than a little to be desired.

"I've looked over the diagram ten times and its meaning continues to escape me." Shino added. Naruto grinned and the entire group sighed collectively. They knew that grin all too well. Like Sasuke's various glares and glowers, Naruto's grins each meant one individual form of trouble.

"That's why I'm going to _explain._ So, here's the plan." Naruto held up the diagram and everyone crowded around it to see better, although it was futile. If Shikamaru couldn't understand it with all his ingenuity then it must be indecipherable. Naruto pointed to a pink blob that could have been either Sakura or a wad of chewing gum. "Neji is going to _capture_ Sakura," Naruto paused to air-quote 'capture', "and leave a note saying he's taken Sakura to have wild sex somewhere."

Neji twitched and his face flushed. Tenten radiated waves of hatred. Naruto grinned, the tension between the bun-head and the other prodigy totally lost on him. "That's where Tenten comes in. Since you're friends with Neji you're going to pretend to have found the note and be totally distraught and catch Bastard's attention. Bastard will flip out at the thought of his precious cherry blossom being captured by Neji, and will want to go kill him. Shikamaru, Shino, and Kiba, you guys will offer to assist him."

Shino and Kiba raised their eyebrows at the significant absence of Hinata to their team. Kiba eyed Naruto suspiciously. "What about Hinata? I work better with her-"

"She's going to be with me!" Naruto clapped a hand on Hinata's back, and the Hyuuga girl fainted. Naruto didn't notice. "Hinata and I are going to be busy helping Chouji to set up a romantic candelit dinner for Bastard and Sakura-chan to come back to. Chouji's good at cooking so we need him."

Chouji nodded proudly.

"Meanwhile, Tsunade, Ino, and Shizune will also go to help stop Sasuke from actually killing Neji and make sure things go as planned."

Shikamaru twitched. "Your explanation makes that drawing even worse. This is more trouble than Sasuke's worth."

Tenten piped up. "Yeah! Why can't Sasuke grow balls?!"

The room fell silent.

"Um... _right._" Naruto scratched his head. After getting over the initial shock of the image Tenten had provided everyone with, there was shuffling about.

"Well, we're speeding things up for them." Ino snapped. "We all know Sakura has given up on Sasuke and we all also know that Sasuke is...inexperienced."

This seemed to sate everyone for the moment. "Alright! I can't WAIT for the wedding!" Naruto shrieked, pumping his fist. Tsunade cleared her throat.

"So, er, anyone want to maybe place bets on how soon the wedding will be?"

--

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as his forefinger lightly pressed on the blind: just enough pressure to allow him more vision, but not enough to make it bend noisily and possibly give him away. The sun seemed to have it in for him and was currently shining brightly enough that it was hard to see his target. However, a little sunlight would not deter the last Uchiha, even if he did prefer pitch black darkness anyway.

His target had simply been walking innocently enough back from lunch and to her office, where unbeknownst to her he had been sitting, waiting for her return. He'd managed to distract Tsunade with a trail of sake bottles leading to Jiraiya (and this was the woman they called hokage. Ha!) so that the irritating alcoholic woman couldn't stand in his way any more.

He could just make out Sakura's pink hair bobbing along happily, until she was accosted by Kakashi just before entering the building. Sasuke clenched his fist and let out a low hiss. He'd deal later with the impediment to his mission who currently was making a joke involving what must have been a Naruto impression. Sasuke watched almost hungrily as Sakura laughed, her green eyes crinkling at the corners and her cheeks becoming rosy. Kakashi's face became more serious and he stepped closer to Sakura, taking her arm. Sasuke twitched. Wasn't this the man who had been preaching to _him_ to gather his courage and ask the kunoichi out?

Sakura flushed hotly; it was evident even from Sasuke's post. His face twisted in anger as Kakashi patted Sakura's lower back in a way that was definitely not fatherly, as it should have been in Sasuke's opinion.

...And if it were fatherly, then clearly Kakashi needed to have his definition of "fatherly" straightened out.

Sasuke swore and resolved to "correct" the copy ninja at a later date. For now, he had a mission to complete. He'd ask the pink-haired beauty (well, okay. If he were honest with himself he'd concede to admitting that she wasn't anything special in the way of physical appearance.) out on a date and she'd go with him whether she liked it or not. Although, the thought of her not wanting a date with him was painful and yet the entire reason for all of this ridiculous chaos. _What if she didn't want him?_

He was forced out of his own world of fears of rejection when he realized that Neji had also walked up to them. What was _he_ doing? Sasuke leaned in closer to see better. Kakashi disappeared and Neji was left alone with Sakura. He gripped her arm and his white eyes gave her the once-over. All of a sudden, Neji clapped a hand on Sakura's delicate shoulder and Sasuke froze, realizing he'd stuck a syringe in her. It must have been a sedative of some sort, because Sakura's knees buckled.

The Hyuuga hoisted the unconscious Sakura onto his back and fled. Sasuke knocked the glass out of the window without a second thought. He had to save Sakura!

But when he looked around, there was no sign of Neji and the object of his affection. Sasuke scowled. Didn't Neji know Sasuke had a mission involving the girl? He had no time for the white-eyed man and whatever he had in mind.

He had just decided on a logical path when he felt a small hand grip the back of his shirt.

"WHAT?!" He yelled, whirling around. Tenten was sobbing. Sasuke twitched. He hated crying women. In fact, he hated people who cried in general. Women also were not a favorite. Except for Sakura.

"N-n-nejiiiii!" She wailed, thrusting a crumpled scroll into Sasuke's hands.

Sasuke scoffed and uncrinkled the note, scanning it.

_I am taking Sakura-chan to have wild hot sex with her. Don't follow us to training field #32._

_-Neji._

Sasuke looked up and raised an eyebrow at the sobbing weapons mistress. "This is Naruto's handwriting. I don't have time for your ridiculous games." He snapped. Tenten froze and mentally cursed. This was bad. They hadn't counted on this.

Sasuke stormed away, leaving a quivering Tenten.

--

When Sakura blearily opened her eyes, she was lying in a patch of shade, her head rested comfortably on a pack. She propped herself up and looked around, feeling sluggish and like she had the day after Naruto's last Christmas party. She had consumed enough sake to make her forget everything about that night, which was probably a good thing, and yet at the same time the hangover had been hellish. For a week she had been incapacitated and since then she hadn't touched sake, or dared to step one foot inside of Naruto's parties. If she had lost enough sense to drink that much, who knew what else she had done?

"You're awake. Finally." A familiar voice brought Sakura out of her embarrassed memories and she realized Neji was sitting a few feet away, apparently meditating. Well, not anymore, she thought, feeling guilty.

"What's going on?" She yawned, sitting up. This was probably some bad prank of Naruto's and Neji had somehow gotten dragged into it. Naruto had a knack for coercing people into things they really didn't want to do. Sakura felt more relaxed. The worst that could happen was that Tsunade would be annoyed that she hadn't finished the paperwork for the day.

Sakura narrowed her eyes, trying to recall the moment before she'd fallen out of consciousness. Kakashi had said something cryptic... what was it?

"You don't want to know." Neji himself seemed very sad to know what had happened, and a pained look appeared on his face. "I am _never_ going to help that moron out ever again... next time, he can do things for himself." Neji stood up and walked away, muttering darkly. Sakura rolled her eyes and flopped back onto the ground. The "he" could only be Naruto.

"I know Naruto can be annoying, but he means well..." She called after the retreating figure. Neji stopped and turned around, looking confused.

"I wasn't talking about Naruto."

Before Sakura could ask who he had been talking about, Neji had stormed off and begun training. Oh well. The only other option for who had forced Neji into this was Lee.

But the image of Kakashi drifted into her mind again as she gazed at the fluffy white cumulus clouds making their merry way across the sky. What had he said? Something about... not giving up? His teacher complex was probably bugging him again and he'd just had to give her advice. She smirked. She missed Kakashi and his behavior that on a good day was "quirky." She let out a laugh, remembering how much he had gotten on Sasuke's nerves at times. He would tease him relentlessly, but always for good in the end. And Sasuke would have to grudgingly admit that his sensei was right. Kakashi's ability to convey important life-lessons and messages was insidious and got the Uchiha every time.

"Neji!"

They both looked up to see a very panicked Tenten running towards them. Neji ran to meet her and Tenten gripped his arms. "It's not working! He saw through it!" She hissed. The two looked back furtively at Sakura, who had sat up and was eying them warily. With a brain as big as hers, usually she could figure out what was going on right away, but the meaning of this escaped her.

Shizune, Tsunade, and Ino climbed out of a nearby bush and Sakura's eyes bugged out of her head.

"Alright, that's enough. What the hell is going on!?" Inner Sakura was dangerously close to coming out, judging by how red Sakura's face was. Ino shuddered and whispered something to Tsunade, who pulled out a handheld transceiver and muttered into it. Even from her place under the tree, Sakura could tell the person who responded was Naruto.

...Just how many people were involved in this prank anyway?

When a voice that was none other than Shikamaru's was heard, Sakura realized that all of her friends must be in on this. She wondered whether Sasuke was in on it...

"Look... Sakura... don't be mad..." Tenten was wincing and cowering behind Neji as she spoke. Sakura raised her eyebrows. "...But... Naruto thought Sasuke needed a little help... and... well, now we don't know where he is. We were supposed to get him to come after you and rescue you from Neji, but... he didn't fall for it."

Tenten presented Sakura with a crumpled piece of paper. Sakura smoothed it out and read it.

"Is this Naruto's handwriting?"

"Aw, man! She knew it too!" Tenten whined. Tsunade sighed and Neji snorted, but Sakura wasn't amused.

"He thought Sasuke needed help... how?" She asked slowly. Obviously she was dealing with bigger idiots than she'd originally thought and she'd need to take this step by step. The interrogation would take long, but she could handle it.

--

"Sasuke... I know you're in there. Open up." The soft, feminine voice that seemed to hold the promise of something happy wound its way into Sasuke's darkened apartment. Sasuke's ears pricked at the sound and he sat up. He'd been lying on his couch for hours now, drifting in and out of a troubled sleep. He was positive that his friendship with Sakura had been ruined by Naruto and his band of idiots and now he wondered why in the world she was here now. Why couldn't she just give up on him like a normal person would?

"Sasuke... please?"

Could he escape through the bathroom window without being seen? Then, of course, there was always the problem of the four-story drop. He scowled at the door. His muscles were weak from intense training and it looked like the only option for him would be to let her in.

Sakura sighed and lifted her hand to knock on the door again when it opened a crack to reveal Sasuke's handsome, but irritated face. He glowered at her.

"What do you want?"

"There you are, Mr. Antisocial!" Sakura laughed, belying her absolutely shaken nerves. They'd told her he wanted to ask her out but was having trouble, and while the logical part of her could believe it once she had examined his behavior in the recent light, the part of her that had always been electrified by the mere mention of his name was terrified. Terrified that this was all some horrible joke. She gathered her courage and pushed her way into the dark apartment.

The two stood by the closed door, shifting awkwardly. When Sakura had pictured the moment where Sasuke confessed his undying love for her, she had imagined it'd be at the end of a romantic date, perhaps on a bench by a pond, underneath the star-dotted sky. She'd be wearing a gorgeous dress that fit her to a T and Sasuke would gaze at her longingly with those intense coal eyes.

At the moment, she was wearing her dirty, grass-stained uniform and Sasuke was sending her scandalized glances while slowly backing away. She looked around his dark apartment and automatically was put closer to being at ease. It was bare and simple, but the smell of coffee wafted from the kitchen and a picture of team 7 hung on the wall. She was sure it had been lonely, living here in solitude for so long, but perhaps—if he really did have feelings—it didn't have to be this way anymore. With a strange tightening in her chest Sakura realized that her apartment wouldn't have to be so lonely anymore either.

"Look... I heard something funny... well, not funny. But you know, interesting, from Naruto and the others." She took a deep breath, about to continue, when Sasuke turned on his heel and stormed off into his bedroom. She could hear him locking the door and she rolled her eyes. Well, no matter whether it was true or not, that was fairly typical Sasuke behavior. She could handle that any day. The part she couldn't handle was that he actually _liked_ her. That his efforts to push her away were due to feelings he didn't know how to deal with confused her. She walked over to the door and leaned against it. She'd just tell him from here and hoped he wouldn't try jumping out the window or something else. He could be such a brat sometimes, she thought irritably. "But... I want to know if they're true. Because, you know, if they are..."

Silence. She bit her lip and opened her mouth but Sasuke's voice came through the other side.

"Then we're being inefficient and wasting time for no reason."

Sakura resisted the urge to laugh. Of course he'd say something like that. Her muscles relaxed. It was comforting that even in this awkward situation, Sasuke continued to act predictable. Sulky and bratty as always.

"Yes, we are. So... if it's true... can we stop wasting time?" She waited for his answer, holding her breath. She jumped back when Sasuke nearly ripped the door open, looking even more like a child throwing a temper tantrum. She sighed, relieved.

"Do you have _any_ idea how annoying you are?" He was glaring but there was something in his voice, some lilt, that made her realize he was just kidding. Sort of, anyway. As much as Sasuke could kid around. Although, he did have a sense of humor. Granted it was strange, she though, recalling an incident with Naruto's apartment and many frogs. Sakura laughed, feeling drained all of a sudden. Sasuke had that effect on her. She rubbed her eyes. Well, this had been quite a day.

"So you do like me, then." She smiled at him and he wrinkled his nose.

"Unfortunately. This would be so much less distracting but if I want to get anything done anymore I may as well just admit it." He stepped outside of his bedroom and back into the living room. Sakura felt butterflies appear in her stomach and wreak havoc, acting much more like bees or something. Whoever had invented that analogy of intestines to butterflies? They must never have been in love. She shyly met Sasuke's eyes and realized he was smiling. Well, more like smirking.

"I like you too." She mumbled, dazedly, unable to look away. How had this happened again? She'd always desperately wished for this day, but she'd become resigned to it. It had felt like Sasuke would never even notice she actually did exist.

Her eyes widened as he stepped forward, the moment drawn out into excruciatingly slow motion. Was he going to kiss her? He looked hesitant and indecisive, and turned around to go back into his room when Sakura caught his arm. He gawked at her, once again looking scandalized, and Sakura narrowed her eyes.

"No way. No sulking. You've done enough of that for one day." She warned. Sasuke pulled his arm away from her impatiently.

"Fine." He scoffed. "You know, I was perfectly fine until you made everything complicated."

"Oh really? And how did I do that?" She was beginning to feel the adrenaline pump through her; the excitement of what was finally happening beginning to get to her.

"Because..." His brows knit together as he searched for how to explain to her how she'd gotten under his skin. She had twisted her way into his life long ago, and the long absence had made him both appreciate her and detest her so much more. The combination was a potent one and all of a sudden he had found himself hating any man that came within ten paces of her. "You..." He halted and she wanted to hit him. _JUST SAY IT! _Inner Sakura screamed. He usually had no trouble speaking his mind.

He took another hesitant step forward and Sakura gasped when she realized he was kissing her.

"Bastard! Open up!" Naruto's voice and knocking made the entire apartment shake and when Sakura's eyes darted back to Sasuke, his fingers were already brandishing a kunai, an icy glare on his face. If Sasuke looked at hell it would have frozen over, which, Sakura thought giddily, must have happened, if Sasuke actually cared for her and wanted to _date _her.

"Oh, I'll open the door, Naruto. But you will wish I hadn't." Sasuke murmured.. He unlocked the door and Sakura covered her eyes and ears. She really didn't want to hear Naruto getting beaten into a bloody pulp today.

--owari--

OH EM GEE IT'S THE END OF THE EPIC QUEST-

okay, well, not quite. I _might_ write an epilogue about the actual first date (which would be as epic as the quest for it... i already have ideas hehe) depending on the response to this chapter. PLEASE REVIEW with constructive criticism and whether i should write an epilogue. I still can't believe I finished a fic. Cheers!


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